What the Fluff

We have lots of amazing toddlers in Sunday school at my church, but there is one cutie pie that always brings a smile with him.  Each Sunday, he walks in the classroom and shouts to the teacher, “I love my titty tat!”

Kid- you’re awesome.

Okay, moving on.

Hey Ivanka Trump, this would be a great photo for your luxury clothing ads.  It’s free Ivanka, you should take it.

Hey homeless man.  You can have this photo.  And this dog.  (Carl told me to say it…)

This “dog” has caused a lot of anxiety.  Poor defenseless Carl will not stop hiding (in his own home no less).  So, in order to deal with the sadness that has come upon my family (Matt would like me to clarify that he does not count in this instance of family), I decided to take pictures of it.

It’s just pitiful.

Here he is chillin like a gangsta.  He’s in the bathroom about 98% of the time, and NOT because he’s constipated.  It’s because he’s cool.  And because the dog scares the crap out of him. Literally.

Oh snap.  ( You should make a caption for this photo and put it in the comments below! I’ll send the winner an amazing Carl picture!)

Once I found Carl wedged between my washing machine and dryer.  It scared me and I jumped.

This also made me jump.

Carl has always had a fondness of the fridge.  He used to try and sneak in the fridge when we weren’t looking.  Once, when he was a kitten we opened the fridge door and he jumped out.  I have no idea how long he was in there.

HEY!  If you’re still here, you should subscribe to my blog!!  I’ll send you a kick butt Carl photo if you do!

Anyway, I promise to keep taking photos.

Alright I’m done.

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Jaws

I realized that more people go to my blog if I use a movie name for the post title.  This is because google finds me slightly fancier when I use words they’ve heard of before.

Trust me when I say this:

Jaws is a perfectly acceptable title for a crazycarlcat blog and I should in no way be judged for seducing the unknowing into the kitteh blog from hell.  However, I understand this could just be Carl’s moral compass pointing me in the wrong direction yet again.

Picture Time:

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Pretty Kitty Carl… more beautiful than ever.  He’s get that heavenly fog surrounding him in this photo.  So graceful and elegant and you can hardly see his Hitler stash.

My brother drew this photo of Carl ages ago:

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Please don’t ask how old my brother is.  Instead look at the photo he based it off of:

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I’d like to believe that even then Carl knew he was destined to become a star.

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….and when I say “star” I mean it in the literal shaping of his body.

To be honest.  The reason I’m using old photos is because I feel like I’ve lost a big part of Carl due to our dog.  The majority of his time is spent hiding in his room and hissing at the dog when she gets too close.  He no longer bites my face.  Instead he purrs loudly when I pet him.  I wish I knew how to get the old Carl back.

Thoughts??!

Carlmas

Hello Friends!

I’ve missed you so much! Unfortunately, I can’t say the same for Carl.  Are you wondering if, after all these weeks he still looks the same? Well, see for yourself!

Take your time.  It’s okay.  Bask in the fluff.  I fully acknoweledge the angelic beauty set before my eyes.

Now look at this photo.

Although it looks like a chupacrabra that lives under my parents bed, it is actually the puppy that lives in my house.  To Carl however, it might as well be the first guess.

Cute isn’t she?  I was super excited about getting a puppy.  Then, when I got the puppy I remember I don’t really like dogs.  I mean, where’s the fluff!?

Lots of you have been wondering how Carl feels about the little Zoey.  Here is a 5.9 second clip that should sum up what happens almost 24 hours a day in my house.

Sometimes he hides behind stuff when he’s tired.  Other times, it seems like he’s on constant alert for the dog.

Okay, so moving on from that.  I took Carl to get his rabies vaccine and needless to say, it did not go exactly as planned.  The problem is, Carl hates strangers, strange places, needles, men, women, children, pets, doors, credit cards, and me.  So naturally, he was angry when we got there.  You can’t blame him for that.  At check in, we had to place his carrier in the corner facing the wall so he would stop growling at the children that thought he was fluffy and cute.

When it was time to get his shot, he freaked out and tried to bite my face.  Luckily, I’m real smart and moved super fast (kind of like when Neo dodged the bullet in the matrix),   and successfully avoided the razor sharp teeth.  However, this made the assistant nervous, so she decided to take Carl into a separate room and had Matt, Zoey, and I wait out in the hallway.

Now, let me say this: What I am about to say took place in a matter of minutes, and maybe even seconds .  To me, it felt like eternity… 

You know in horror movies where you hear something being tortured but can’t see it?

All at once, I began to hear Carl growl, spit, and who knows what.  Things were being knocked over in the room and the two employees started to yell.  One ran out of the room with her hand swollen and covered in blood.  The next stuck her head out and screamed, “WE NEED THE DOCTOR IN HERE!”.

Matt looked as though he could kill a fluffy animal.

Two more people dashed into the room, while the doctor was moved into the hallway.  He said, “This better be important to pull me out of an exam!”

Another man replied, “Would we get you if it wasn’t an emergency!?”

I flattened up against the wall and looked at other pets hoping they would forget that Carl was the one that came with me.  More people began to run back and forth out of the room.  There was more yelling from both people and cat, and another person charged into the room holding a broom like a baseball bat.

After a few more seconds of increased chaos, everything went quiet.  They opened the door.  The way that the men victoriously walk after they destroyed the asteroid in Armageddon is not far off from the slow motion walk I witnessed from the employees that escaped the exam room that day.

The original assistant approached me with the carrier.  Carl had a long black rope wrapped around him and about four feet hanging out the front door of his carrier.  They said, “Keep the rope.  He’s not allowed back unless he’s been sedated prior to the exam.  Pick up the medicine before you come.”

I feel like I should show you the first picture again…. Remember how pretty he was?

Totally worth the vet visit and more…. I think.

CAPTION CONTEST!

Whoever creates the cleverest caption to this next photo wins! Wins what?!  They win a picture of Carl e-mailed directly to them.  So, friends, celebrities, family members: May the odds be ever in your favor and good luck!

Spooky Dookie

Carl Ghost!

Get it? Because it’s Halloween and I’m clever and Carl is scary!

How many cats can you see in this photo?

Whilst the fluffy cat of doom was sitting here he got bored and started taking on things he couldn’t handle.  Such as post-it notes.

it got stuck to its butt and I laughed at him

so he slapped me in da face

Just beautiful isn’t it?

Okay, last but not least, I made a video.  It’s a dramatic tale of a love/hate relationship between Carl and one of my hair ties.  Enjoy.

“Fats” (his real life mob name)

After hours of photo taking and editing (lie), I found the PERFECT picture of Carl (lie)!  If this photo doesn’t convince you that Carl is the best cat in the whole world than NOTHING will (lie).

Honestly, I know that all you probably notice is that he’s about to bite me, but all I see is that fat fluff mess of fur that surrounds those painfully sharp teeth.  Is that bad?  I think it’s good.  “Always look on the bright side of life” (I replace the word “life” with “Carl”)

I got a new computer!! Which means it shouldn’t take me an average of 3 hours editing 20 photos anymore!!

So, I walked in to CrazyCarlCat sitting in this bag in his room.

He wouldn’t get out when I tried to move him and it started to feel like he was threatening me… I especially got scared when he started licking the inside of the bag

Did that give you the shivers too?

Here’s this series of photos (totally and completely unplanned in every way… Seriously, I was just trying to take pictures of this cat gift for the top banner when, well you’ll see)

Yeah, the photo shoot ended when he attacked me for taking pictures.

Carl really embarrassed me this weekend because he wouldn’t stop hissing at my mother in law and slapping her legs as she walked by.  It was funny when he ran into the side of her air mattress thinking it was a normal bed he could crawl under.  I said, “Carl, you’re making yourself look like a fool right now”.  Then he slapped me in da face.  I was so ashamed.

Well, that’s it for right now.

Here’s my organic garden.  Yummy!  (don’t worry, I bought ‘gardening for dummies’ so in 2 years when I read it I will be able to bring this bad boy back to life!  You just wait!)

And here’s the land that gives me a water view being cleared so they can build a fancy house on it 😦

Okay, back to real life- Here’s one last picture of carl, the artist.

In reality, he’s just getting cat hair all mixed in with my paint.  Such a jerkface.

(FOR MORE INFO REGARDING LAST HITLER POST PLEASE VISIT: http://homebodyabroad.blogspot.com/2011/09/catler.html)

Carl Blog 4: This Time it’s Personal

I guess it’s time to point out the big fat elephant in the room.  I had hoped that we’d be able to move on past this subject but I guess there’s no use.  Carl is no way related to Hitler.

Just because he acts, looks and smells like a Hitler does not make him a Hitler.  Got it? By the way, I have no doubt that Carl will kill you if you continue to bring this resemblance up.  I mean just look at his eyes.  I feel like everything around you goes cold when you stare into them for too long.

Speaking of Carl being incredibly fluffy and extremely likeable (two things Hitler never was)- Here are some peaceful photos I captured of him.  I think he’s trying to show me that when allowed to do whatever he wants, he won’t always stop to bite me- which is awesome.

Hmm…looking back at this photo it’s not quite as peaceful as I had imagined…in fact it looks like he wants to bite me.  Let try this photo instead.

Now, a couple things I would like to mention about this photo.  One- those books next to Carl are just props- I went to the store and bought the best selling books to convince everyone that I am “hip” and “in the know” and that “I’m cool because I take pictures of my cat eating”.

This next picture makes me sad.  Only because no one has the heart to tell Carl that most cats don’t have to lift their heads like this to see over their stomach.

In a few months we’ll see his armpit hair shoot up to be 10 feet taller than his head.  It’s happened before.  But I guess creepy armpit hair comes with fluffy cat.  Right?

This is Carl making enemies with everything he sees.

Ice Cube!

DRYER SHEET!

Now we do have to be careful about the dryer sheets, because he doesn’t just play with them, he eats them.  I find them all tangled up with poo in his litter box.  However, the plus side is that this does make his litter box does smell a little fresher .

SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTS!

CAMERA CASE! (This happens almost every time I take photos…hazard of the trade)

I really don’t understand why this cat hates instead of loves.  I asked Matt if he thought that I gave cats anxiety.  He replied, “I don’t think you give cats anxiety, I know you do”  Harsh dude.

To End:

Here’s something I drew.  If you want, I can give you a free copy for 1 Billion dollars or 10 fluffy or fat kittens.

Snazzy New Blog Post Title!

Sorry I haven’t posted in a while.

Enough about me- Bring us the cat!

Let me start this by saying- I never pose Carl for these photos.  Anyone that has met Carl knows that he does not “pose”.  He mocks, manipulates, steals, and very often bites, but never ever does he pose.

Now, if you’re real still and you look real close you’ll see a crazycarlcat sitting in my bathtub. The uckyness of the bathtub was added for effect and is not there in real life…

Carl has the ability to make some things look so cozy! I think he did this to point out how soft and warm our bed is

He then showed what would happen to us if we don’t give him a bed of his own.

Gosh he’s creepy.

I think Carl hates crazycarlcat.  He stops at nothing to prevent me from working.  Please watch as he uses his sneaker-uppery/mob boss skills to convince me to sit anywhere but at the computer.

Carl: “Well hello Mrs. Greene- What a pleasant surprise”

(He says with a mocking smile)

Apparently he means business, because he went on for hours about he would not give up this freakin chair for me.  Sadly the power does rest with him because I get bitten if I try to move him.

(I think he’s mocking me here)

Eventurally he forgets what we were talking about and starts to getting really sleepy

And then I forget what we were talking about because of his extreme fluffyness and sleepy demeanor.

So what were we talking about?

Oh yeah, last but not least! I came home from work the other day to a yellow Carl!

As usual when I walk in the door he shakes my hand

And BOOM! I see it! Yellow paw crazycarlcat! I immediately sniff him to make sure he’s not been rolling around in pee again.  Luckily no pee smell…but still I inspect him further to see where all this yellow is coming from

I begin to see that the yellow is not just on his paw, but rather his arms, his neck and his face!

So, do you want to know why he was yellow??

Me too.